So I know this is a kind of late post today. A really late post today. but Ive been down today and not really felt like getting on the internet until now because some things have been going on. M and I talked a lot today and I asked him about the fact that I can hear It. He said I was the only kid he'd ever met who was like that where my dbeing deaf didn't affect the fact that I could hear It when it was nearby.
We've been using me as a warnin gsign of when to run.
I don't really know how to describe the sound of its voice. Whenever It's around I hear this dry, scratchy sound that is almost like what I imagine a radio sound to be. I don't know. It's so hard to put into terms that make sense for me and it freaks me out a lot. When most people hear things does it feel like your whole head is vibrating? Because that is kind of what it's like for me and I don't know how to put it into words. it's dark and scary and it tells me things that I don't understand because I've never heard the words out loud. I told M the sounds I'd heard and he just looked at me all wide eyed and then shook his head.
"Don't listen," he said. "Whatever you do just don't fucking listen. He's trying to get in your brain and I don't want that."
I thought it was odd at the time that he said I don't want that because I don't know if he really cares that I'm around at all. I mean, he stayed with me all that time in my house so I think that counts for something. But I don't really understand why and Ithink maybe he feels bad for me and that is why he's staying around. Maybe.....he blames himself for me being chased by Slenderman too? Do you guys think that is something M would do?
I don't blame him.
I wanted to help and if I didn't I would never have brought him home. Even when I read the story and thought it was fake, I knew he was a nice kid who deserved help even if he wasn't telling me everything about James and all of that. Even so I wish I could go home and sleep in a bed. My back hurts and the weather seems colder for the fact that we don't have a proper place to stay. Even though it's an incredibly mild winter it's been bad for us. We need to get new clothes and I'm trying to convince M to go to a store with me soon. I miss the good old days at home when I would make him soup and try to convince him to come inside which he rarely ever did.
There were a few times though.
I guess right now there's nothing much to report and I'm basically just using this blog to vent emotional stress. I'm going to log off now and try to sleep because M is looking at me funny and I don't want to make him mad. It rained tonight and we got to watch it from inside a building for once! it was nice and peaceful and I think even M calmed down because we sat and watched for a while, not talking.
Thanks for listening and stuff.